all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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