As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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