Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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