Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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