i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
