After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
