My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
