I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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