I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
