i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
