I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Betty ford says i'm here all night
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
