The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
