I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
