the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
