it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
