It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
