Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
