This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
