Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
