This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
