well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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