hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
