Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i drank out of a bidet.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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