from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
