it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
