So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
