my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think your dad took our porno
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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