It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
