So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
someone owes me an orgasm
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
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