its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
