how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
