Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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