is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
