dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
