Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
