I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
