you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Couch. On fire.
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