What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
