I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
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