I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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