There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
