I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
