You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize