Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
