im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I need to align my fucking chakras
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
