How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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