I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
