After last night, I could never be a politician.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
