Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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