I'm drive I can fine osifer
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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