I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
