i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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