chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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