my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
