overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
