Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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