dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
