Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
True strength comes from lack of pants
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
