I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
