i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
