whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize