Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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