Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
